My girlfriend's mom past away ten years ago from Ovarian Cancer. She was from a family who consisted of several nurses. One of her sisters was a nurse in NC and moved to OH temporarily to take care of her during her illness and left behind a husband and child to do so.

I don't believe my girlfriend's mom "expected" anyone in her family to take care of her at home, but would it be reasonable if she had? I don't believe her sister did this, but would it be reasonable for family members who has the ability to be a caregiver to insist on being one? Is it fair to the mom's family to see her ill in their own home, should patients stay in medical facilities during care? Was it fair to the sister's family for her to be gone for months so that she could be the caregiver?

Just some things I have been thinking about.

Robert-

You have asked a tough question.  Every situation is different.  My wife was my caregiver and instrumental to my survival.  While I don't think that it would be fail for a survivor to "expect" a family member to become a full time caregive (let alone expect someone to move from a different state) I think that the issue should be openly discussed among family members- what I mean is, confront the issues openly rather than risk hard feeling.

David

Families and illness are a very personal and individual. I was a hospice worker for 4 years- I also did some caregiving for my mother but eventually I needed to send her to an assistive living facility so we could be mother/daughter because she was fiercely independant and would question everything I did- with the facility making sure she took the right meds, I could enjoy her company and take her out to lunch and talk and connect. She was mean and hurtful to me before she moved to the facility but now she had nothing to be angry at me for- the nurses were doing it right and there was no argument. In the end when she was in pain I could no longer spend hours with her, I had to stay strong to deal with hospice etc. -she was on morphine and didn't know how long I stayed so I would check in morning and evening for 30 min. at a time- In 4 years of working in hospice I spent long times with people who weren't in my family but my mother was my mother and having people not related at times of stress is a blessing. Doing the best you can is all you can ask or expect and taking care of the caregiver is sometimes the object of the situation.- I'm saying is recognize your limitations- Drs usually don't treat their families for good reason.

I wanted to comment on this issue of caregiving. One of the things about being a caregiver is that it can create a huge amount of stress, physical as well as emotional (especially if one is trying to follow Gerson!). Part of it is having to give up so much of one's previous life in order to fulfill caretaking tasks; it's one more loss in the plethora of losses that accompany diagnosis. Part of it is having to keep up other roles, too, at the same time as caregiving. For instance, we have two young children, age four and nine, and trying to squeeze their care into the Gerson routine is difficult and stressful. And then, there are issues of caregiver health. I have a bad back problem that is causing me a great deal of pain of late. Under normal circumstances, I would consider myself the one in need of caretaking right now! But, our situation will not permit that, so I have to plow on through. When one is not the ill one it really feels inappopriate to complain, and we all do what we have to do, but it isn't easy for anyone, patient or caregiver.